AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, Part 2

I live in Columbus, Ohio.  I am, however, a native Pennsylvanian. I grew up rooting for Penn State.  I genuinely could not care less about Ohio State and its football program.

However, here in Columbus, if one does not bow and scrape at the temple of Woody Hayes, one is looked at suspiciously.  I’m absolutely convinced that OSU football is some strange, bizarre, and fatal disease for which there is no cure.  It causes otherwise normal, rational people to turn into drooling, wild-eyed, raving lunatics.  It really is unbelievable.

There’s actually some bozo in this town who makes a living doing a Woody Hayes impression.  Never mind that Woody’s been dead for something like 25 years, and never mind that he disgraced himself at the end of his career.  This guy gets on the radio every week and makes personal appearances, and just jibbers on and on, sounding like a brain damaged moron, and people actually PAY him for this….I just don’t get it. 

Tomorrow is the OSU vs. Michigan game.  Even under the worst of circumstances, it’s an obsession and the focus of an entire city’s existence for a week or so every year.  This year, however, with both teams undefeated and ranked one and two, you can only imagine what it’s like.  One of the local anchors put it quite well indeed last Sunday morning when she said (while wearing scarlet and gray), “If you are the sort of person who gets sick of Ohio State football, you’re in the wrong place this week.” 

It’s been the lead story on the local news every broadcast for a week.  It’s been on the front page of the local rag every day this week.  Enough, already!!!!  Everywhere you go, people greet each other by saying things like “Go Bucks!” or “OH”, to which the appropriate response is “IO”.  It’s kind of like some secret fraternity handshake thing, except it’s not a secret.  And when you genuinely couldn’t give a damn, like me, people look at you funny. Our office manager is decked out in OSU regalia today.  I’m not.  I’m sure it’s going to engender some strange looks today to see someone NOT wearing scarlet and gray, but I don’t care.  I don’t own a single OSU item, and I intend to keep it that way.

The clincher happened this morning.  The morning radio show that I have listened to for years was having some Bacchanalian OSU fest, and when I got in the car, I was greeted by nothing but screams “OH” by the DJ’s and “IO” by the drunken crowd.  I finally couldn’t take it anymore and changed the station to Bob and Tom so I just wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore… 

All I can say is that I can’t stand it anymore…..this damned game can’t be over soon enough….

And God forbid that they lose….